Sunday February 17, 2013

I woke up early to take my dad to the airport and I got to say it was the saddest moment ever! I got all teary before I even got out of the car to help him get the luggage out.. But when I helped bring in his luggage in order for him to check in, my tears fell down my face. I tried to smile and say goodbye but it was too hard for me. I couldn’t do it. I hugged him long and tight. When my sister, my dad, and I said our goodbyes, tears were filling my eyes once again. I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I rushed outside and got in the car. I cried long and hard. I tried to stop but the tears just kept coming. I couldn’t control my feelings no matter how much I wanted to. I miss him so much! ): Every time I think of him now, I start to get teary.. I miss my daddy so much! ): But on the bright side, I’ll be able to visit him either during winter break or during summer but that’s still a long time. 5 more months until school is out and maybe I can visit him this summer! I miss and love you so much daddy! Hopefully we’ll see each other real soon!

I should be sleeping right now but I just can’t sleep… ): I’m crying my eyes out right now…. In 8 hours, I will be on my way to the airport. Why does time go by so fast?! /: I hate how I can’t change anything! I don’t want to be so far away from my dad. ): He’s the one who taught me many things. He makes me laugh when I’m not in a good mood. He tells me little details about driving since I’m almost at age. When I’m ill, he asks if I’m okay and if I need anything. He takes me wherever I want or need to go. He takes me to get boba or starbucks whenever I crave it. He helps me in any way he can. He’s always been there for me no matter what and I just can’t imagine him not here with me. He always brightens my day with his silliness. He tells me encouraging words. He spoils me sometimes. I’m so glad to have him as my dad. I wished he didn’t have to go so far away. ): I’ve never been apart from him and it’s going to be hard to adjust… Why is life doing this to me?! ): I won’t be able to see him everyday anymore. I won’t be able to see him smile at my random silly stories and being my silly self anymore. I won’t be able to feel the warmth of his hugs anymore. What if he doesn’t get use to the place over there? What if he misses us too much? What if something happens to him? So many thoughts running through my mind.. Can I handle him not being around? I just realized something and that is I’m a daddy’s girl… I’m my dad’s first child so of course he’ll be extra caring about me. ): I’m missing him so much already when he hasn’t even left yet. What’s going to happen when he really leaves? ):

Saturday February 16, 2013.

My family spent the entire day cleaning the house. And I’m totally exhausted! All this cleaning is because of my dad. ): He’s leaving tomorrow to Oklahoma for a job. ): His flight is at 12 tomorrow but I have to wake up early to drive him to the airport. I don’t want him to leave but I can’t do anything about it. ): I think my mom is happy that he’s leaving while my siblings and I are sad that he’s leaving. I hate life right now! He’s not coming back too… And I think he’s living alone. Or either living with a relative over there in which I didn’t know I had relatives over there. This is so sad. ): I’m graduating in a year and sadly he might not be able to be there. ): He’s not going to be here for a lot of things like when I turn 18 or when I start driving and get a car. He’s going to miss out on things I don’t want him to miss out. He was the one who taught me how to ride a two wheel bicycle on July 4th when I was 5 or 6. Now, he won’t be the one to teach me how to drive. ): My dad taught me many things and I truly appreciate all that he has done for me. I’m so sad to see him go because he’s so important to me. ):

January 23, 2013

When I woke up from my nap, my throat bothered me so much. It hurts even more than before. It hurts a lot when I swallow and cough. I’m scared to swallow because of the pain. Both of my parents said my neck is like swollen but you can’t tell that it is. ): That totally scared me.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. My mom told me to take this pill that my dentist prescribed me for bacterial infections when I pulled my tooth out. She said it will help me get better so let’s see if it does. I said if it doesn’t work, then she’ll have to make a doctor’s appointment for me to get this checked out. And she said okay. Hopefully this pill works. I’m so scared that it won’t work. ): I’m scared for the worst to happen… What if it’s something bad? ): I’m really scared and worried.. This is the first time that symptoms keep coming and not going. Also, the first time my neck is swollen.. ): Ugh, so worried..

January 20, 2013

I’ve been sick since Wednesday and I haven’t been feeling a little bit better yet. And that worries me. Several days ago, my grandpa told my parents that many people died from the flu and that it’s very severe this year. I have to think positive thoughts not negative thoughts. My life is all messed up right now and I don’t know how it’s going to get better. Anyway, my sore throat got worse. It hurts even more to swallow. ): My fever went down but isn’t at normal temperature. I started to cough frequently and it hurts my throat. On top of that, I have a running nose too. Oh joy, symptoms just keep coming and not going. But all I do is stay in bed and watch House or House M.D.. (: Please let me get better…

January 19, 2013 at 12:20 am

So I was sleeping and all of a sudden I woke up to my parents “talking”. They were arguing over who is taking care of who. Both my parents want to take care of my baby brother, Peter… But my dad for sure for sure wants to take care of Peter but my mom said no. My mom said how are you going to take care of him if you can’t take good care of yourself and blah blah blah… Then, my dad was like just leave all 3 and he’ll take care of us and told my mom to leave. He said he’s not holding her back. My mom said are you sure Peter is your son which shocked me so much… Because she doesn’t even know who the real father is… Then they started yelling at each other. This made me so upset… )’: They were raising their voices at each other. My dad said why is my mom telling the other guy how I’m doing and whatnot and how my sister and brother are doing and whatnot. And she said she can and blah blah blah. My dad told her to leave and my mom said she’s going to leave tomorrow or today I mean.. Then my dad said he’s not going to talk anymore since he’s only going to just lose his breath but my mom wouldn’t let him. My dad said he’s not going to say anymore unless other adults are around and my mom asked him why there has to be more adults when the 2 of them can just talk. But my dad said no and blah blah blah. They were yelling each other to the point I thought they might hit each other. Pretty extreme but that’s how I felt… This is a terrible moment for me to hear all this.. )’: I wish I didn’t wake up to hear them “talking” because now everything is gone. Just gone. Nothing is left. No mercy whatsoever. It seems like they don’t care if kids are around.. even though they are sleeping, they could wake up you know like me… There is no more hope for me… ): I’m so depressed about what’s happening… I don’t know how much longer I can stay strong. ); I’m so broken inside… This is torture. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I ask myself why and how did this situation all started? I have totally given up… );

January 8, 2013

My dad and grandpa were talking earlier about my mom, what’s going with her, and stuff. It’s hard listening to everything that’s going on. I can’t control myself and tears just fall down my face… I don’t know if I can handle my parents being divorce and all. They both are already arguing about my little brother, Peter, when they’re not divorced yet. Imagine what it’ll be like when they are… It’s going to be horrible. My brother calls the guy in Texas who l guess I should say is my mom’s “boyfriend” daddy.. He says it so easily like its nothing but it is. It’s so hard to not think about this everyday. Ugh, I REALLY hate my life.

January 8, 2013

Today I pulled out a tooth and I didn’t even know I was… )’: It hurts so much I want to hurt someone. I can’t stop crying because it hurts so much and because of what’s going on in my family… I have another appointment this Friday to pull out another one… I really don’t want to but I have to in order to have nice looking teeth. After pulling out the second tooth, got to get ready for braces… Oh man, I’m so not ready… but what can I do? Sigh, someone help me!!! )’:

January 2, 2013

This year hasn’t kicked off quite well. My dad is getting a little annoying. He just stares at my sister and I and then walks away. And he comes like he’s looking for something but then leaves with nothing. He is weirder than before.. My mom on the other hand is weird too. She calls and asks about the randomest things and then asks how my sister and I are doing. My sister and I talk to our little brother and we mess around with him calling him ugly and he calls us uglier and we just go back and forth with it. HAHA I have a feeling this year isn’t going to be a good year. It will have good moments and bad moments but there will be WORSE moments. I’m sort of looking forward for this year but after everything that’s been going on at home, not so much since things been going down the drain. Sigh, but life goes on so I got to keep my head up.

December 29, 2012

The past 3 days have been pretty good. Bonding time with my little sister,Lisa, is always great. We had a Harry Potter Movie Marathon together. We laughed, cried, and got scared together. LOL I love spending time with her even though we have our ups and downs. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s like my other half, or another me. Sometimes she knows me better than myself and it’s scary but I kinda like/ love it. If that made any sense.. I always love bonding time with this silly& ugly sister of mine. JK She’s not ugly but it’s what I call my sister and brother. LOL I love her to death. I think we spend TOO much time together sometimes but it’s okay because it’d be weird if it wasn’t like that. HAHA